42 Degrees - Business from a different angle

Anita Morris, a specialist in leadership coaching, looks at the advantages of getting in touch with your emotional intelligence.

A study of over 200 companies and organisations worldwide suggests that about a third of differences in performance between business executives is due to technical skill and cognitive ability, but two-thirds is due to emotional competence.

The implication is that if you want to succeed in business – or life, come to that – you need to show high levels of what has become known as 'emotional intelligence' (EI) in your approach to yourself and others.

Don't worry. Emotional intelligence isn't about 'emoting' or being all touchy-feely. Really, it's just about being grown-up in your dealings with people. It has been defined as "the demonstration of a positive attitude, respect, and healthy patterns of behaviour towards yourself and others". And the great thing about EI is that, unlike personality, which is pretty much fixed, it can be improved by training and practice.

So how do you ensure that you relate to yourself, your employees, investors and customers in a way that will allow your business to flourish?

The first step in increasing your EI is to understand yourself. It's essential for effective management and leadership. Learn to tune into your feelings. Reflect on events and learn to recognise what 'winds you up', what helps you to feel relaxed and what makes you feel happy.

By understanding your own feelings, wants and needs, you will be able to manage your emotions and yourself much better. It can be an uncomfortable process because it means finding out more about yourself, but it does pay off.

A good place to start is by taking a personality or 360-degree EI assessment, which allows you to compare how you rate yourself on the various EI scales with how others rate you. But you will need a skilled practitioner to go through the results with you.

Alternatively, feedback from a trusted friend or colleague is always helpful. Don't get defensive if you hear things you don't like. Use their comments as a starting point to help you to develop.

Next step is to learn to value yourself. You are likely to be your own worst critic, so be aware of the dialogue going on in your head. "Another mistake, you really are stupid," isn't helpful. If you notice your inner voice giving negative comments, stop and rephrase them. The fact that you have made a mistake may be because you are tired or trying to do too much. Only allow your inner voice to give positive comments.

An aspect of this is refusing to accept put-downs from others. If someone insults you, either ignore the comment or take an assertive stance. If your business partner says, "The report you have done for the bank is useless, you're rubbish," your reply might be something like "I have worked really hard on that report, what specifically do you feel is wrong with it and what do I need to do to improve it?"

You can only do this if you believe in yourself and recognise your achievements. In fact, as all top athletes know, self-belief is essential for peak performance. It's not about being arrogant. It's about realising that you can achieve your full potential.

To do this, you need goals; otherwise you are on a journey with no destination. So set yourself goals that stretch you but are realistic and achievable. You have a business plan for your business, so develop a plan for yourself, even if you are a one-person business. Use it as a working document and refer to it regularly.

Another key EI concept is emotional resilience – the ability to keep an even keel when things are stormy. Look after yourself physically. Eat properly, exercise, talk to people and make time for fun. If you are someone who does get stressed, learn to understand what triggers stress in your life. Take a step back and try to look at problems from a more objective stance. A practical approach to problems is far more effective than an emotional one.

But it's not all about you. You also need to learn to accept and value others. You don't necessarily have to like them, but accepting and valuing others is the key to building successful working relationships. It really helps to focus on common ground. So, if you have a difficult relationship with someone, sit down and list ten qualities that you both have. It'll help you see things from their point of view.

Another way to improve connection with others is by sharing some of your (appropriate) thoughts and feelings. Of course, you have to strike a balance. Being open with people helps them to see you as being warm and human, but being too open can lead to people avoiding you. So experiment with something you feel comfortable talking about, such as a trip to the cinema, or a nice restaurant you have found. You may find that you have a lot more in common with people than you think.

It is important to learn to pick up on the feeling states of others. Use your eyes as well as your ears during conversations. Only about five per cent of a message is transmitted in words, the rest comes from body language, tone etc. Tune into what makes others feel happy, sad, confused, angry and so on. If you're talking to someone and what they are saying doesn't fit with their body language, check it out: "When you go quiet and don't smile like that, I imagine you're annoyed with me, am I right?" It may be that they have other concerns or haven't understood your meaning.

And you need to be aware of how your mood and your responses impact on others. If you always shout at the bearer of bad news then before long you won't be told when things aren't going well. That can be disastrous.

Finally, become trustworthy by keeping your promises and being consistent and reliable. If you say you're going to do something, make sure you do it, otherwise people will perceive you as unpredictable and lacking respect.

There's a lot to do and it can be hard work. But you are going to spend your life working hard anyway. It makes sense to make your efforts as productive as possible.