42 Degrees - Business from a different angle

If you have ever watched little boys playing football you'll know that the ability to cooperate is not necessarily in-born. For the average seven year old this team game is actually about his own greater personal glory. At this age, children have such a shallow and immature perception of how football really works – the power of the team – that all they want to do is to 'skill up' their opponents and score goals.

The truth is that many of us, even in adulthood, haven't completely silenced our inner seven-year-old child. It's important to put your own ego on hold for the greater good on a playing field, but in the workplace it is absolutely essential.

One area in which it is particularly difficult to put our own needs behind those of others is in the way we relate to clients.

We generally don't see them very often, we don't know them that well and, when we do, they tend (quite rightly) to call the shots. Under those circumstances it's all too easy to slip back into being a seven-year-old egomaniac and forget that they are people, too. The consequences for your business and your career can be disastrous.

If you want effective and productive client relationships the secret is to really understand them, the pressures on them and how what you do helps them.

You don't have to be friends, you don't even have to like them – absence of dislike will do, but you do have to see them as three-dimensional human beings. Mind you, trust is at the foundation of successful client relationships, so you also need to ensure that all the formal aspects of the business relationship are functioning as well.

Get it right and you can look forward to happy dealings that allow you and your client to achieve your personal and commercial goals. Get it wrong and you can safely anticipate a series of short-lived grumpy client relationships that lead nowhere.

In my experience, in order to achieve high quality relationships you need to thoroughly examine three key aspects of the way you behave with your clients.

The first is your perceptions of yourself and the value you have to your clients. If you don't believe that what you do matters then you are hardly likely to give of your best. Even if you are doing something very minor for your client, it must have some importance to them otherwise they wouldn't ask you to do it.

It helps to get a broader perspective of the department you are dealing with and of the wider business. That way you gain an understanding of how your small contribution fits into the bigger picture. It will help you to build a unique relationship with your client based on a deeper understanding of their business.

The second is the area in which most people fail most frequently. It is in their ability to see the world through the eyes of their clients. It is a common mistake to see clients simply as a human representation of a contract. But no matter how formal or brittle your relationship, they are, of course, people, too, and to have an effective relationship with them you need to properly understand that.

It helps to have some insight into the pressures they experience. For instance I bet you have clients and you don't even really know what their job is and how they spend their days. How can you help them if you have no clear idea of what they are about? For example, do you know what is frustrating them in their job right now? Are they under pressure from their boss? What are their career ambitions? How can you help them look good? If you can also learn something about their personal lives, all the better.

Before a meeting it's useful to spend some time visualising what is going through their mind? What do they want out of the meeting? Are they looking forward to meeting with you? What are they most worried about?

Lastly, there is the question of how you interact and project yourself. When you are in a meeting are you really listening or are you always listening to the voices in your own head, anticipating what you are going to say rather than what they are saying now? Practise placing the focus on someone else. Spend time being interested rather than being interesting.

You might be the only person who pays proper attention to them today. That can be very powerful. But it has to be authentic. That's best achieved by trying to establish some area of common ground – it could be kids, hobbies, football even politics.

You can take that further by constructing a dossier on each client. It could be simply a series of mental notes or it could be on paper. But you need to know about things such as their interests and pet hates. How do they manage their time? Do they prefer formal or informal interactions? Do they absorb information visually, verbally or numerically? Do they respond to voicemail but not email and vice versa?

Lastly, there is the issue of what happens when you mess up. You may be perfect but eventually you will make mistakes. When there is bad news coming it is vital to address it as early as possible. And, if mistakes do occur, it is important to turn them into ways of improving performance. They can be moments of emotional honesty when the veneer of politeness falls away and the truth comes out. If used positively, they can be a real opportunity to strengthen your relationship.

Of course, it is at those moments that your inner seven year old will want to come out to play. It is your job to send them home and tell them to stay there until they have grown up.

Are you really relating to your clients?

• Putting ourselves second does not come naturally to most of us. It has to be learnt.
• But it's a vital ability for business life and can pay handsome dividends if you manage to do it well.
• Relationships with clients can be particularly difficult because it is in their very nature to make us feel and act like children again.
• The key to effective and productive client relationships is to really understand them, the pressures on them and how what you do helps them.
• If you don't understand why what you do has value, you are unlikely to do it well. Try to gain a broader knowledge of your client's business to understand how your contribution fits in to the bigger picture .
• Remember your clients are people too. Try to see the world through the eyes of your clients. Learn what their job is, how they spend their days. What are the pressures on them? What are their concerns?
• Before meetings it's useful to spend some time visualising what is going through their mind.
• When in the meeting, try to spend time being interested rather than being interesting.
• Establish authentic rapport by finding some common ground between you as individuals.
• It might be useful to create a dossier in your mind or on paper about each individual client's preferences and personal style.
• Use mistakes as opportunities to rebuild and reinvigorate your relationship.