Guy Browning
Author, broadcaster and consultant Guy Browning has been described as the David Attenborough of the business jungle. He started his career as an advertising copywriter, went on to be creative director of a marketing consultancy and now runs his own innovations consultancy advising organisations on new products, new ways of working and new ways of communication. Despite this he has managed to retain his sense of humour and is now best known for his hilarious columns in The Guardian and Management Today and his Radio 4 programme Guy Browning's Small talk. He is author of several books including, Never Hit a Jellyfish With a Spade, Never Push When it says Pull and of course Office Politics.
In marketing there is an unspoken rule that says, "If it ain't broke, fix it anyway". That's why one day you'll nip into the shops for your favourite product only to find it says, "Now with added mango". This can happen to any product from carpet slippers to disposable nappies.
Gone are the days when you could sell a simple product. You now have to sell it with bells, whistles and widgets, in a luminous, foil-wrapped, bio-degradable, re-sealable, low-calorie, unleaded, easy-scoop, microwaveable, non-biological, galvanised, sustainable package with extra vitamins, fibre, minerals, anti-oxidants and nutritious gravy, with a lifetime, no-quibble, fully comprehensive, interest-free, fire-and-theft, sale-or-return, three-for-the-price-of-two, buy-now pay-later guarantee, now with added mango.
Naturally, people are now hankering for the good old days when you could pop down to the grocer and buy a straightforward hogshead of butter, a cubit of flour and a pound of sugar, sure in the knowledge that the only additives would be a selection of insects, worms and microbiological nasties. In those good old days, you didn't need tamper-proof tops either, because you knew if you got anywhere near anything worth tampering with, you'd get a thick ear.
When they're not adding something, marketing people are claiming better performance – often for their products. Toilet paper has been getting 'even softer' for about 30 years and, unless it started as slabs of granite, it must be reaching the limits of softness. At some point the marketing people will go into reverse and start claiming that each new roll is harder, firmer and more aggressive and they'll subtly change the advertising from a small puppy to a spiky-looking armadillo.
There are two types of customers: those who buy your products and those who don't yet buy your products because they haven't been exposed to your powerful marketing. There are all sorts of ways you can segment your customer base. A useful distinction is between those that have money and those that don't. You can then divide them into those who have brains and those who don't. Then sell your products to the ones with money and no brains.
Focus groups are very useful for understanding your customers. This is where you get a select group of customers together and, over some nice wine and nibbles, you ask them some probing questions about your products. You don't learn anything from these groups other than there is a small segment of your customers who, for a glass of wine and bowl of cheesy Wotsits, will turn up and talk b******s about anything.
To be successful in the marketplace, every product or service needs a Unique Sales Proposition, or USP. This is the thing that separates your product from all the other similar products out there and gives you competitive advantage. Only seven or eight companies are allowed to have the same USP at any given time. (Don't confuse USP with UPS otherwise you'll spend your entire marketing budget delivering parcels.)
One way of protecting your USP is to have a very strong and recognisable brand. This comprises a logo and a name that are both instantly recognisable. All the good ones have already been taken so if you haven't already got one you're likely to end up with the name Pathetica and a logo featuring a happy guinea pig. Once you've got your brand, make sure it appears everywhere in your company. A branded carpet in reception is a confident step towards a permanent place in the FTSE-500.
They say that half the money you spend on advertising is wasted. The bit that's wasted is normally the money you spend on the creative work. The other half is spent on long lunches and 'brainstorming workshops' in country hotels with golf courses attached and is clearly money well spent. An advertising creative's job is to convert the last trendy film they saw into an ad for your toilet cleaner. The client's job is then to remove the trendy film out of their ad concept and replace it with toilet cleaner.
A famous marketeer, who sadly died suddenly, once said "Innovate or Die". This is as true today as it always has been despite everyone innovating like mad in the interim. The way to innovate is to try new things and take big risks. This, of course, is almost always disastrous in the long term. The trick is to apply for a new job in the short term while your big new idea is getting maximum PR and the waves of laughter and derision from the focus groups aren't yet audible.
